The Wedding...

Family gatherings are events I’d rather avoid. Weddings are the worst. There is always the inevitable question of “when are you getting married?” Then there is the silly, not to mention annoying attempts of relatives at matchmaking. Duh! I don’t think I’m that desperate. Right?! I guess my mom has it bad as well since she has three boys, all of us in our late 20s or early 30s, and all of us not married. Every time she is asked when are we getting married, she just shakes her head and says “ewan ko ba sa mga yan”…

But one thing I really hate about attending a wedding is that there are these stupid and medieval traditions that we have to endure. One such tradition is the tossing of the bouquet and the garter. But unlike in the movies nobody seems to want to catch the bouquet nor the garter and wedding organizers are adapting by employing different schemes and games.

I have been lucky so far and have been able to avoid the dreaded garter. That is until my cousin’s recent wedding. The women had it easy, they were handed ribbons and the one who got the ribbon attached to the bouquet got it.

I didn’t even want to participate but my cousin, the groom were calling us by name. For the guys they planned an elaborate challenge worthy of those reality TV shows. They wanted us to do the limbo rock. As if that wasn’t hard enough they made us drink a shot of tequila after every bout with that darn stick.

Now, I’ve always considered my self as flexible but I also had some lower back problems before, add to that the fact that I haven’t had any exercise for the longest time and I had the disadvantage of being the tallest guy in that group. Hard as it was, I wasn’t about to give up with out a fight.

There were two or three girls in the bridal entourage who, had they been the one who had gotten the bouquet, there would have been no need for all these stupid games. A lot of the guys would have probably volunteered. But alas, it was not to be!

It seemed like everybody was determined not to be “it”. We all mustered every ounce of strength and athleticism just to avoid the fate lying in wait for the unfortunate soul who was to loose. It took three tries and three tall shots of tequila before I somehow touched the stick. But luckily 3 other bachelors were just as unfortunate.

There was going to be a run off elimination, finals so to speak. I was starting to feel some pain on my back, but I knew I still had a chance. My cousin and his bride were just up to my shoulder in height, and they were holding the stick below their hips. That meant that the stick was just a few inches above my knees. The odds were indeed against me but I still gave it a try.

I noticed it before but I kinda thought that maybe I was mistaken… But there it was the bride was cheating! It was clear as day, she lowered the stick even more after I started my attempt. I lost my balance and my head and back hit the floor hard, and I could not even get up. In the end… I lost… I had to endure the “garter” and a stupid dance.

I now have another reason aside from the desire to climb Mt. Halcon to get back into shape, this will not happen again.