Just another entry...

I first saw her in the library. She was seated behind a desk on the far side of the room with a couple of thick books lying before her. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail; she had fair complexion, and really cute round eyes. There were other pretty girls who I always see around the school in the library that day but she caught my eyes and for some reason my eyes always seem to drift back to her corner of the room.

That was the first time I ever saw her. Damn! She was pretty. I deliberated about approaching her, introducing my self and asking for her name and number.

What are you gonna say? “Hi! Your name must be Mickey cause youre so fine!” or some other lame line like that… Besides she is definitely way out of your league.

Hey I’m cool, I’m tall, single, and… ahh did I mention I was tall?

Save your self the embarrassment and just do what you came here to do. You have a lot of work to do, a mid term exam and a report coming up next week. Besides she probably doesn’t want to be bothered.

Shouldn't I have gone through all these crap, way back in high school? Shouldn't I be a confident young man out to conquer the world? I should be making her drool with my charm and witt....

Ok, ok… So I was either a spineless coward or a diligent student but I decided to look for the books I needed. I found one in the circulation section and I got the other one from the librarian in the reserved section that meant I would have to get it photo copied.

My eyes ones again drifted towards that little corner of heaven in the library only to find my angel no longer there.

She’s gone and so is my chance for romance and maybe even finding true love. If I only had the guts to approach her, maybe…

Dude! Get real man… a girl like that would never even think of going out with a loser like you. Besides do you actually think that a girl like that would be single? I don’t think so... She probably has a rich, good looking, commercial model like boy friend who drives a Jaguar or a BMW. Either that or she has half a dozen suitors who are far better than you.

You are one cruel son of a bitch…

It’s not me… The world is cruel and this is called reality… Welcome to your world…

I took a deep breath and sighed. Resigned to my fate I dragged my feet and headed towards another building because the photocopier in our school had broken down.

The place was dark because it was a Saturday. At the far end of the lobby in an obscure corner was a small room wherein you can find three photocopiers. They offered photocopying and even book binding services, and there I went.

I opened the door and squeezed into the small crammed room. Lo and behold there she was with a bundle of very thick books, which she apparently intended to have photocopied. This must be fate or I must be dreaming. It seems like it was meant to be. Scenarios started flashing before my eyes as I contemplated how to start a conversation. How do you talk to an angel?

You take a deep breath, try to smile a decent smile… no! Not the Johnny Bravo kind of smile, the one that says I’m a decent human being just looking for a nice conversation kind of smile…. Ok… I think I can manage that. What to say? Hmmm… let me see…

My thoughts were interrupted by one of the girls manning one of the photocopiers. She said: “sir! Kayo sir?” she asked me…

Instinctively I handed her my book and said “page 280 to 369 po…”

She quickly took the book from me and was about to start, then I noticed…

The pretty girl from the library, the one who moved with such finesse, with those round pretty eyes, my angel…

She had one of those big books on her hand. She had a piece of paper on another hand with a lot of numbers on it. Pages that she had apparently taken note of so she could have them photocopied.

She also had this annoyed and irate look. She wasn’t looking at me but I quickly realized that I had somehow offended her. Then I realized I had cut in line, she was there first and there I was cutting in line!

Arrrggghhh!!! What have I done! It happened so fast I didn’t even realize it.

“Nauna ba kayo miss?” Her expression answered yes…

So I said to the operator of the photocopier “miss nauna pala siya…”

And that was all I could say…

I could not say anything else.

A classmate of mine came in and we talked. It seemed like an eternity. When it was done. I paid and was about to leave. She was still there, she had more stuff to photocopy.

Before I walked out. I tapped her shoulder with one finger and said “miss sorry kanina ha…”

She nodded a polite nod.

I turned and walked out the door…

I saw her again later that day. She was walking ahead of me… going the same direction as I was. So I was in effect following her. I didn’t want to scare her and have her think I’m some kind of stalker so when she stopped I walked past her. I didn’t look back, and all I could say was how stupid of me… how stupid of me…